"Understanding Why Things Happen"

"Why Me?"

Have you ever felt like you had gotten a raw deal? Somehow you were the one left holding the bag and it was full of bad news! I have been there! As a matter of fact I woke up every morning for about two years and asked God, "How could this possible have happened to me?". I thought I was a pretty good guy. My life was all about my family and making them as comfortable as possible while trying to do good things along the way for others. But one day I woke up and I had a huge bag of problems. Not only that but it seemed that new ones were being tossed in the bag every week!

Maybe some of you have not had this kind of experience but instead you just wake up to the same problem each and every day. Maybe you have something about your body that you really don't like or you have pains that greet you each morning when you get out of bed. It could be that you are fighting some kind of disease or infection that just keeps reappearing and you may be asking yourself,"Is it ever going to end?". For some of you it may seem like you have good health and no problems but you have the responsibility of taking care of someone that is handicapped or sick.

Day in and day out it's the same thing over and over again! The thought may cross your mind at some point during the day as it did mine, "Why did this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? I didn't plan my life this way!"

" WHY ME GOD?"

That's right! For two years following my separation and divorce I woke up every morning and as I sipped on my morning cup of java, those words would echo in my head. I really believed that one day God was going to appear before me and explain it to me so I could get on with my life but it never happened! I even laid there at night sometimes tossing and turning until in total despair and sometimes with tears streaming down my face I begged God to please appear and tell me why this happened to me. I wanted a wife and a marriage that would last a lifetime! I didn't ask for his and I wanted things to be the way they had been before everything went berserk!

It was fall of 2003 and I always enjoyed the leaves changing colors and the change in temperatures. As I walked out on the deck to feel the cooler breeze and admire the trees, that feeling hit me again just as it had when I first woke up and reached across the bed as I had done for almost eighteen years and found myself only holding a cold pillow; I thought, "Why must I do this alone? Why me God?". I was tired of waking up tired and struggling through the day! My children surely were tired of seeing their dad always in a state of confusion and despair! I had tried all kinds of health products and even the latest feel good pills that everyone was raving about but it didn't seem to make any difference!

This had gone on way too long and I wanted to feel good now!

That morning I was determined to get an answer from God! I decided to take my Bible and go down to Durant Nature Park in North Raleigh and spend the day asking God why He allowed this to happen to me. I thought to myself, "I'll just sit there in solitude until he answers me" I didn't have the kids for the next three days and I was self employed then so I could do that. Surely God would tell me what in the world to do next! Sounds crazy doesn't it? I didn't know then, but God knew when I had reached my wits end and was desperate enough to search His word, I would find my answer!

When I arrived at the park it seemed busier than ever and I thought, "This is not even going to work out for me." Here I was going to seek an answer from God and He sent everybody and their brother to the park before I got there! I knew I needed a place alone so that God could appear before me and tell me why this had happened to me, why my life had taken a sudden turn for the worst.

Since the lake house that I went to years before for quiet time alone to read was surrounded by people and the tables were being used I decided to walk down into the woods. There was a deer trail that led me far into the shaded forest towards the back side of the lake and I continued down this path for about thirty minutes over logs and through the vines and thorns. Those deer can slide through all of that stuff I thought to myself as I bent down and pulled back the thorny branches. Then suddenly as though it had been planned I walked right into an opening in the forest of approximately fifty feet in diameter. It was full of light compared to the rest of the shaded forest all around me. It was a perfect place to stop as the noise of the traffic and people had long ago diminished. As I sat down on the ground in the middle of this circle of light, I thought about how interesting it was to find a spot like this right out here in the middle of the woods. Maybe it was left by the Indians from their tribal dances or the war generals had a tent set up here back in the civil war! I thought about how sacred this spot may have been to people many years before; but now it was just a spot in the forest that no one even knew about; except for me, and God of course.

As I sat there in the middle of this spot I began to think about how the past had been left behind, forgotten deep in the forest and I thought about the people who may have shaped this location that I now would use as my place to meet with God. They were long gone! Forgotten by the present generations but not forgotten by our God, I thought. Hmm? Was this my answer?

Should I realize that I am not forgotten no matter what has happened in life?

That wasn't really very satisfying to know God just remembers me. I needed something more!

I needed to know why! Why did I have to loose what I had worked so hard for all of those years?

Why would someone I loved suddenly not love me?

Why couldn't I feel alive any more?

After sitting there for about an hour and not getting any revelations from God I decided to open the Bible I had carried with me, just in case the answer was hidden in the words somewhere and maybe God would highlight the words miraculously for me and it would all be finally be clear to me. I really doubted it but I was desperate! Keep in mind that my realization that Gods grace and mercy had saved me had not happened yet in my life either. I was still trying my best to do enough good to receive the award of a relationship with God so that was also part of my struggle. Achieving acceptance was a big part of my life back then! I spent allot of my time thinking of ways I could do that with everyone, including God! So you can better understand why I was so depressed when Gods rewards turn to punishment as far as I could tell! That's just how I translated what I learned while growing up and I hadn't really had a problem with it as long as I was being blessed!

Wouldn't you feel the same way too if you were doing good things and good things were happening to you? Hey! That's what prosperity preaching is all about, right? Do good and receive good! That's why I was so confused! I had tried to do good.

Well, as I sat there and wondered what God would do to show me why this had happened, I decided to open my Bible up and look up words in the concordance that might bring meaning to my life. I looked up words like suffering, divorce, desolate and wisdom. When I looked up wisdom I went from looking up the things that I had to looking up what I wanted to have so I could know why my world had been turned upside down. Let's look at a verse that I found in Job,

Job 28:12 But where shall wisdom be found? and where is the place of understanding?

That's it! That is exactly what I wanted, some kind of divine wisdom and understanding!

If only I could find that, I couldn't understand "why" my life had taken such a turn for the worse!

But.....how? How is wisdom found and where is understanding?

We will continue our quest for these answers tomorrow!

Let's pray,

My Lord and Savior, I know that you tell me that you will never leave me nor forsake me, but sometimes I just don't understand why things happen the way that they do and it really feels like I am alone sometimes. I ask you Lord to show me what I need to know during these times and to not grow impatient with your timing! Teach me your ways and guide me down the paths you have for me today and all through this journey we call life. Amen.